🛑 When Children Are Punished for Feeling, They Learn to Go Along with Harm

There’s something we don’t talk about nearly enough:

When children are punished too often—especially for having feelings or telling the truth—they don’t just become quiet.
They don’t just “toughen up.”
They don’t just grow out of it.

Sometimes, they become compliant in dangerous situations.

They learn to go along with things they shouldn’t—because they’re trying to survive, not disappoint, not get punished again.

👧🏾 A child who gets in trouble for crying learns to hold back tears… even when they’re terrified.

🧒🏽 A child who’s silenced when they say, “That made me uncomfortable,” learns to ignore discomfort—even when it’s a red flag.

👦🏼 A child who’s punished for saying “no” or asking questions learns to say “yes” to things they don’t want, don’t like, and don’t understand—just to keep the peace.

The truth is, a lot of children are not abused because they were “too wild” or “too trusting.”
They are abused because they were trained to be obedient—no matter how they felt inside.

And that training often began at home.

Sometimes in well-meaning homes.
Sometimes in homes full of love, faith, structure, and discipline.

But still, homes where feelings were feared.
Where emotions were met with “Stop that noise.”
Where honesty was met with “That’s disrespectful.”
Where disclosure was met with punishment or disbelief.

We cannot expect children to speak up later if we silence them now.

We cannot expect them to run away from predators if they’re punished for walking away from adults.

We cannot expect them to trust themselves if we teach them that their feelings are flaws.

🛡️ Your child’s voice is part of their safety system.

• Their tears are clues.

• Their discomfort is data.

• Their stories are sacred.

When we shut them down, we don’t just end a conversation.
We damage a vital connection.

And that connection might be the only thing standing between them and someone who wants to harm them.

Yes, discipline matters.
Yes, boundaries matter.
But not at the cost of a child’s ability to feel, think, and tell.

Because when they can do those things safely with you,
They are far less likely to follow someone into harm.

Handle childhood like the one-time miracle that it is.

And remember:
A child who is safe to feel is far more likely to stay safe in this world.

—
✍🏽 Tonya GJ Prince
Founder, WeSurviveAbuse.com | Survivor Affirmations | Rosas Children