This is a tender area. Many people tense up the moment sexual violence and sexual orientation appear in the same conversation. The fear is understanda
This is a tender area. Many people tense up the moment sexual violence and sexual orientation appear in the same conversation. The fear is understandable: historically, LGBTQ+ communities have endured horrific stereotyping, false accusations, and violence fueled by lies. No one with a conscience wants to repeat that harm.
But there is another truth — quieter, lonelier, and often left unnamed:
Photo by Rodney Gainous Jr.
When we refuse to acknowledge that a gay man can commit rape, we make a world where certain Survivors have nowhere to put their pain.
It is not compassion to erase someone’s story because it complicates a narrative. It is not justice to protect a group so fiercely that we silence the people who were harmed by someone inside it. That is not solidarity. That is abandonment.
The Real Issue Isn’t Orientation — It’s Selective Accountability
We live in a society where heterosexual men are allowed to be three-dimensional. They can be fathers, soldiers, pastors, lovers — and yes, perpetrators. Their humanity is taken as a given, flaws included.
But when the perpetrator is gay, something shifts. Suddenly, the conversation becomes fragile, careful, cautious. The crime gets tiptoed around. The focus moves away from the Survivor’s reality and lands on protecting the image of an entire group.
The message that hides in that silence is this:
Gay men can be hurt. Gay men can be bullied. Gay men can be misunderstood.
But gay men cannot be accountable.
That is not liberation. That is infantilization.
Human dignity includes the right to be seen fully — not as a symbol, not as a stereotype, and not as a protected icon beyond wrongdoing.
No Identity Is a Halo
Identity is not an anointing.
Orientation does not confer sainthood.
A gay man can be a phenomenal partner, a devoted friend, a brilliant artist — and still capable of great harm, just as any human being is. The same is true for heterosexual men, bisexual men, and anyone else.
Violence does not come from sexuality.
Violence comes from a person’s choices, values, entitlement, or willingness to ignore another person’s “no.”
To pretend that any identity group is immune to violence is to:
- deny the complexity of human beings
- refuse Survivors the language to name what happened
- elevate symbolism over truth
No one deserves a cloak of innocence that is purchased with someone else’s silence. We are all human beings.
The Survivors We Don’t Talk About
There are Survivors — boys and men— who were harmed by someone who either identified as gay/bisexual or who did not openly. Their stories are often met with:
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confusion
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correction
They learn quickly:
Your pain does not fit the narrative.
So they swallow it.
Some never tell.
And every time we treat identity as a shield from accountability, we reinforce their isolation.
No one wants to talk about it.
WE don’t want to talk about it.
Survivors are not served by speech that protects the powerful.
They are served by speech that tells the truth — even when the truth shakes someone’s comfort.
Human-Centered Accountability
To be human-centered is to say:
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A person is more than their identity.
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A Survivor deserves validation regardless of who harmed them.
It means we can hold two truths without collapsing into stereotype:
Gay men are not defined by violence.
Gay men can commit violence.
Straight men are not defined by violence.
Straight men commit most of it.
It is nuance that saves us, not slogans.
Gay men, straight men, bisexual men, trans, etc….are all human beings.
A Human-Centered Future
We don’t have to rip communities apart to make room for honesty. We can honor LGB people without erasing their complexity. We can challenge harmful stereotypes without manufacturing innocence.
The standard is simple:
Every human being is capable of good or harm.
Every Survivor deserves to name what happened.
Every perpetrator must be accountable for their choices.
Anything less is performance and trend, not justice.
Real healing begins where language stops protecting comfort and starts protecting people.