Unshackled: Black Women, Boundaries, and the Right to Rest

I saw a video short this morning where a young woman stated that we women were talking about a few things a little too much. Among those was: divine femineity, 4B movement, female genital mutilation. To the creator of this video, talking about these things “masquerades as bigotry”, “alt right pipeline feminism” or “gender essentialist feminism” because it does not include men. Talking about women’s issues without including men, is “hate”.

This has been a prevalent talking point for over a decade now. I had never seen anyone have the nerve to record themselves saying it but I have seen it written. A prominent published author and activist from Africa was harassed relentlessly online for her dedication to raising awareness around female genital mutilation.

“It did not include men.”

“It made men uncomfortable.”

So they decided that it was hate. 

I have personally been told by other women who viewed themselves as “calling me out” for my declaration that “no uterus, no opinion”. That’s a throwback classic from 1970’s feminism. One I happen to agree with. We women can disagree with one another and eventually sort out female reproductive issues and legislation amongst ourselves. Another day my statements around my strong support for single sex spaces for women and girls. For some women, centering the needs, rights, issues and wants of women and girls make them extremely uncomfortable. 

It was not lost on me that much of what she mentioned is talked about among women who are not white. (Though many white women took issue with her position and did not agree with her.)

For we who are Black women, I know where the expectation that we as Black women become the saviors of everyone comes from…….

Trauma & Generational Oppression

The belief that Black women must labor for men also has deep ties to trauma, particularly from slavery and colonization. Black women were forcibly worked in the fields and homes, and stripped of their rights to softness, protection, and choice. This trauma was passed down through generations, creating cycles where Black women were expected to be the backbone of families and communities—often at their own expense.

Breaking the Cycle

Recognizing that Black women do not “owe” anyone their labor, care, or energy is essential for healing. True liberation for Black women includes the right to rest, to be soft if they choose, and to set boundaries without guilt. Healing from this collective trauma requires rejecting harmful narratives and embracing the truth: Black women are whole, deserving, and autonomous.

As you listen to Ms. Toni Elling in the video above, consider that racist white people in America had a lot of silly notions about Black people. Strange, weird, dehumanizing, and bizarre that led to our deaths.  And yet no one demands that Black men take any action because others lacked knowledge, information, and education. Black women of course, are not afforded the same respect.  Why do you think that is?

@shamsa.araweeloo Yall are exhausting sometimes #fgm ♬ original sound – Official Araweelo