Harm-Jacking: When Your Pain Becomes Someone Else’s Weapon

There have always been obstacles—but there have also always been real ones by our side, standing strong with us to rise above with them. It’s been

Ideogram.com

There have always been obstacles—but there have also always been real ones by our side, standing strong with us to rise above with them.

It’s been around forever—
In movements.
In families.
In workplaces.
Even online.

But there has also been something different. What is it?
It’s like hijacking—but with emotional harm.
Someone witnesses your mistreatment, then uses your pain to promote themselves. Not to end the suffering or anyone else who suffers the same way stop, but to uplift themselves. Draw empathy, love, or and attention to themselves. Manipulation.

That’s how Nicole Beverly was harmed by the man who raped her and then pretended to meet her a year later and become her protector.

Meanwhile he was married with children. Yet continued to violate Nicole by pretending to be romantically involved with her and also stole money from her to care for his family before finally taking her life in front of her toddler. (Police believe she was catching on to at least some parts of his manipulation and bringing an end to it.)

🎭 What Harm-Jacking Sounds Like:

“See how they treated you? That’s why you need me.”
“They did you dirty—I wouldn’t.”
“They’re just jealous of your light. Let’s make them regret it.”
“They hate you anyway. Come over to this side.”

Sounds like care.
Smells like protection.
But harms and stings like manipulation.

You feel it. Sure, but since when does the world listen to a woman’s feelings?

Self trust is a hard thing for a woman to come by in a world that doesn’t listen to female human beings. Lot of unlearning. Lot of new learning.

You’re not even sure if you are on point. Maybe, you’re wrong?

So I can tell you now that Nicole had a developmental disorder but I’m not sure that truly matters. We all miss red flags in folks. Present company included.

And her murderer targeted her because he knew she would be less likely to be believed and he saw a vulnerable woman who truly needed love and compassion. He exploited that. The most vulnerable population for sexual violence and exploitation is women and children with disabilities.

💔 When You’re a Black Woman? It Gets Even More Twisted.

We’re not harmed in spite of our beauty, power, and presence—
We’re harmed because of it.

Our hair.
Our curves.
Our cadence.
Our spiritual depth.
Our “don’t-need-to-prove-it” strength.

Some people can’t handle that. Don’t like it. “Disapprove.”
So they wait for us to be wounded—
Then rush in to capitalize on our pain.

Not to help.
But to gain access to our light.
To ride our story without living our truth.

🚩 Signs You’re Being Harm-Jacked:

Someone uses your pain as a platform
They begin speaking for you
You feel indebted after they “defend” you
They never address the harm—just your reaction to it
They build clout using your experience

🚫 This Is Not Solidarity

Real support doesn’t perform.
It listens. It centers you. Because it is your pain.

Real support asks:

“What do you need?”
“Can I walk with you—or hold space while you rise?”

🔥 You Deserve Better

To the radiant, soft, bold, divine Black women:
You are not just a witness to harm.
You are the story.
And you are the author.

No one gets to:

Turn your pain into a PR campaign
Use your wounds to gain power
Become your spokesperson without consent

✊🏾 For the Community: We can all do better towards one another

✅ Ask before you speak for someone
✅ Avoid making someone’s trauma about you
✅ Address harm—don’t leverage it
✅ Celebrate people for who they are, not for who hurt them
✅ Let Survivors be more than their wounds

🕯 Final Word

We’ve been:

Used.
Misread.
Underestimated.
Exploited.

But now—we name it.
We clear space for true healing.

Our truth is sacred.
Our light is not up for grabs.
And our story? It’s ours. Always.

✨ Affirmations for When Others Try to Hijack Your Pain

My pain is not a prop. My truth is not a tool. My story belongs to me.
I do not choose to be loyal to anyone who profits from my wounds.
I am not here to be someone else’s evidence. I am here to live, to rise, and to heal in peace.
My beauty, my strength, and my struggle are not marketing points. They are sacred.
I release anyone who only stood beside me to be seen. I deserve real presence, not performance.
The next time someone tries to use my harm to elevate themselves, may my silence be a boundary and my absence be a lesson.
I am reclaiming my story with power, clarity, and deep self-respect. No one gets to steal that.