As an advocate, I’ve aided thousands of women in creating safety plans to stay alive from people close to them — friends, family, spouses! Believing
As an advocate, I’ve aided thousands of women in creating safety plans to stay alive from people close to them — friends, family, spouses!
Believing that safety for women is built on being kind and nice is a trauma response! It was passed down to us by women who were themselves conditioned to believe that, in the face of violence and abuse, they had to smile, soften, and shrink to survive! They were working with the cards they were dealt in their day — doing what they could to stay alive!
But here’s the truth: Safety requires strategy!
The women I served tried to love. They tried to be nice. They tried to be kind. But when they set their boundaries — when they said “No, not this time,” or “No, not today,” or even “Perhaps another time” — they were threatened! Their friends were threatened! Their children were threatened!
Some were assaulted.
Some were attacked.
Some were raped.
Safety requires strategy — not just being nice!
And the thing is… men already know this! They’ve known it all along! They build their own safety plans in ways that are calculated, protective, and unapologetic — without worrying about whether they’re being “too nice” while doing it!
It’s time we stop confusing compliance with safety. It’s time we teach women that protecting your life is not rude — it’s sacred!
Being nice can be part of the strategy — but it isn’t the entire strategy.
Affirmations for the Woman Choosing Herself
I am no longer the safe space for people who are dangerous to me.
My safety is not up for negotiation.
I choose strategy over people-pleasing.
I can be kind to myself without sacrificing myself.
Protecting my peace is not selfish — it is sacred.
I am free to say “No” without guilt or apology.
My boundaries are a gift I give to myself.
I will not explain my strategy to those who would harm me.
I no longer smile through my own fear.
My safety is my birthright — I claim it every day.
I release the belief that I must earn the right to be safe.
I am not required to make others comfortable while I protect myself.
I will not betray myself for the illusion of harmony.
My strategy is not cruelty — it is self-respect.
I can be soft with myself and firm with the world.
