10 Rights of Survivors When An Abusive Person Dies

"Be a good girl"😡 We are indeed all the villain in someone's story. We are all flawed and imperfect. But there are degrees to this. Th

“Be a good girl”😡

We are indeed all the villain in someone’s story. We are all flawed and imperfect. But there are degrees to this.

This morning though, I want to focus on Survivors of villainous tactics and their rights.

As we are still in the process of learning how to listen to Survivors here are some things to think about when it comes to the death of an abusive person.

You are not obligated to say nice things.
– Just because they’ve passed does not mean their history is erased. You don’t have to pretend they were good if they weren’t.
“Woe to those who call evil good and good evil.” – Isaiah 5:20
You have the right to tell the truth.
– If speaking your truth brings you peace, say it. Their actions had consequences, and silence doesn’t heal wounds.
“Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.” – Ephesians 5:11
You do not have to grieve them.
– Grief is not mandatory. If you feel relief instead of sorrow, that is valid. Your feelings are yours alone.
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” – Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4
You have the right to set boundaries around conversations.
– If people try to force you into mourning someone who hurt you, you can shut it down. You don’t owe anyone your participation.
“Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’” – 1 Corinthians 15:33
You can honor your survival without honoring them.
– Their impact does not define you. Your strength, healing, and survival are yours to claim.
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” – Genesis 50:20
You have the right to feel conflicted.
– Relief, sadness, anger, numbness—grief is complicated, especially when harm was involved. Whatever you feel (or don’t feel) is natural.
“The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy.” – Proverbs 14:10
The impact of their harm does not die with them.
– Pain lingers. Trauma remains. Survivors carry what happened, whether the abuser is alive or not.
“The sins of some people are obvious, leading them to certain judgment. But there are others whose sins will not be revealed until later.” – 1 Timothy 5:24
You are not responsible for protecting their reputation.
– Some will try to rewrite history to make them seem better than they were. That is not your burden to carry.
“There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known.” – Luke 12:2
You do not have to forgive.
– Healing is not dependent on forgiveness. Your peace does not require excusing what they did.
“The Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all who wait for Him.” – Isaiah 30:18
Your survival is what matters now.
– Their chapter has ended. Yours continues. Your healing, your truth, and your future are the priority now.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11