Why Wise Women Guard Their Circles: Avoiding Those Who Defend Violence

This is must not only for your survival, but the quality of your living days.

Avoid people who are close to those who do not like you or disrespect you.

That may sound harsh, but it is wisdom born from generations of our survival.

When someone keeps company with people who insult you, belittle you, or cross your boundaries, they are showing you where their loyalties rest. They are telling you—without words—that your dignity is negotiable, that your well-being is secondary. Even if they smile in your face, even if they share a meal with you, the fact that they sit comfortably with your enemy means they carry that enemy’s energy right back to you.

You don’t need to wait for betrayal to arrive—it’s already in the room when they bring that person’s words, opinions, and spirit into your space. These are the folks who will “explain” away disrespect.

“He had a hard childhood”

“She herself says she will always love him”

“But, you excuse this person’s behavior but not his behavior” (They never verify if is true by the way)

“You have to let that hurt go”

“So you must be perfect”

Meanwhile, no apologies, words of contrition, and no public service announcements telling fans that the behavior they engaged in is not the way to go.

Not a skit. Not a song. Not an awareness billboard. Not a fundraiser for shelters. Nothing.

Just: Women and girls with concerns “shut up”. (And this is what we are teaching girls and young ladies to accept in their relationships.)

These are the ones who will ask you to lower your voice, soften your truth, or “be the bigger person” while they keep ties with people who would gladly see you diminished. While femicide rates go up and funding worldwide gets cut. 

Protecting yourself means drawing a line. It means recognizing that not everyone who calls you “sister” or “friend” is actually safe. When someone shows you they can sit at the table with people who mock you, hurt you, or undermine you, believe them. That’s not just poor judgment—that’s dangerous for your spirit.

This isn’t about bitterness, it’s about boundaries. It’s about making sure your circle is filled with those who lift you, respect you, and honor the ground you stand on. A woman who chooses her circle carefully chooses her peace. She chooses her future. She chooses her life.

So I urge you: keep your distance from anyone who is comfortable with your disrespecters. Don’t gamble with your safety or your spirit. Walk with people who protect your name in your absence. Walk with people who refuse to entertain harm against you. That is where your power, your healing, and your destiny live.