She Deserved Help: What Kitty Genovese’s Story Still Teaches Us About Silence, Judgment, and the Cost of Looking Away

I saw a video of a very young woman getting flipped into the pool yesterday. She was young, carefree, wearing a bikini and dancing with a young man. Another young man comes along, appearing angry, picks her up and flips her into the pool. HARD!  Her head barely misses the concrete edge. 

Later she posts online that she doesn’t know the man and she is recovering.

It reminds me that I haven’t worn a bathing suit to pools since I was in my early teen years. No bikinis ever. In fact by the time I was this beautiful young lady’s age, I wore poolside clothes and stayed far away from the edge. Men can act predatory, even violent out of nowhere and for no reason. And like men in this video, often other men do nothing to help.

They stare. They keep walking. They laugh. They say, “that’s crazy.” But they do not intervene. 

Psychology has been studying this for some time now. 

In 1964, a 28-year-old woman named Kitty Genovese was brutally attacked outside her apartment building in Queens, New York.

According to early reports—later clarified, but still deeply symbolic—dozens of people heard her screams. But no one came.
No one called the police.
No one ran down the stairs.
No one said, “She matters.”

And when the news broke, the world asked:
“How could so many people do nothing?”

🤎 The World Had Already Judged Her

Before the knife. Before the screams.
Society had already decided what kind of woman Kitty Genovese must be.

She was young.
She lived alone.
She came home late at night.
She worked in a bar.
She wasn’t married.

And in the eyes of too many at the time, that made her less deserving.
Less respectable.
Less urgent.
Less human.

There was a cruel cultural script playing in the background:

“A good woman wouldn’t live like that.”
“If she were married, this wouldn’t have happened.”
“She probably knew the man.”

This wasn’t just about neighbors not hearing.
It was about people not caring.

🧠 Groupthink and the Bystander Effect: When We Silence Ourselves

Kitty’s case helped uncover something that psychology has since confirmed:
When a group of people witnesses something dangerous or harmful, each person is less likely to help because they assume someone else will.

This is called the bystander effect (sometimes called Genovese Syndrome)
And when paired with groupthink—the urge to avoid rocking the boat or standing out—it becomes deadly.

This is how harm continues:

• In homes where children are abused.

• In schools where girls are harassed.

• In communities where women are killed.

• In boardrooms, churches, and digital spaces where silence equals complicity.

🙅🏾‍♀️ “She Should Have…” is Not a Safety Plan

We’re still living with the same toxic assumptions today.

• That women should marry to be protected.

• That women should dress or speak or walk in just the right way.

• That if something happens, she probably brought it on herself.

• That only “certain” kinds of women deserve to be believed or defended.

This is not protection.
This is prejudice wrapped in tradition.

And it costs lives.

🕯️ What We Must Choose Instead

We must choose compassion over cowardice.
Courage over compliance.
Care over comfort.

Because here’s the truth:
Every woman deserves safety.
Every girl deserves protection.
Every Survivor deserves to be seen, heard, and helped—without judgment.

Let us never again be the neighbors who close the blinds.
Let us be the ones who open doors.
Raise our voices.
Make the call.
Break the cycle.
Tell the truth.

Because silence is not safety.
And judgment is not justice.