Conversations about safety, consent, and boundaries are vital, yet there is a community that often gets overlooked: asexual individuals. Asexuality
Conversations about safety, consent, and boundaries are vital, yet there is a community that often gets overlooked: asexual individuals. Asexuality is not simply the absence of sexual attraction—it is a valid, complex orientation with unique vulnerabilities, particularly when it comes to coercion, abuse, and societal pressure. If we do not acknowledge these realities, we fail to provide full protection for Survivors who are on the asexual spectrum.
Understanding Asexuality: More Than Just “Not Wanting Sex”
Asexuality exists on a spectrum, and like all orientations, it varies from person to person. Some key aspects include:
- Asexual (Ace): People who do not experience sexual attraction.
- Gray-Asexual (Gray-Ace): People who experience sexual attraction infrequently or under specific conditions.
- Demisexual: People who only experience sexual attraction after forming a deep emotional bond.
- Aromantic: Some asexual people do not experience romantic attraction, while others do (heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, etc.).
Despite what society often suggests, a lack of sexual attraction does not mean a lack of love, connection, or the need for fulfilling relationships. But because asexuality is so misunderstood, asexual people face unique risks when it comes to coercion, abuse, and grooming.
The Myths That Endanger Asexual Survivors
1. “You Just Haven’t Found the Right Person Yet”
This idea is more than dismissive—it can lead to coercion and even corrective abuse. Asexual people are often pressured to “try harder” to be attracted to others or to engage in unwanted sexual activity to meet societal expectations.
2. “A Relationship Isn’t Real Without Sex”
Many asexual individuals are manipulated into believing they must participate in sexual activity to maintain a relationship, even when they are deeply uncomfortable with it. Survivors in this situation may experience sexual coercion and trauma but struggle to be believed because their boundaries are not taken seriously.
3. “Asexual People Can’t Be Victims of Sexual Violence”
Asexuality does not grant immunity from violence. In fact, many groomers and abusers exploit asexuality, framing their coercion as a way to “help” someone be normal. Just like anyone else, asexual individuals can be victims of sexual violence, and their trauma is just as real.
Grooming and Coercion: Unique Dangers for Asexual Individuals
Grooming is all about breaking down a person’s ability to say no. Asexual people, especially young ones, are often told:
- “You’re confused. Let me show you what you’re missing.”
- “This will make you normal.”
- “If you don’t try, how will you know for sure?”
- “You owe me this if you love me.”
These tactics are used to manipulate, shame, and pressure asexual individuals into situations that violate their boundaries. Recognizing these red flags is crucial for protecting Survivors.
Accountability and Vulnerability: Holding Both Realities
Asexuality does not erase responsibility, nor does it erase vulnerability.
Accountability: Abuse is about power and control, not attraction. A person identifying as asexual can still manipulate, coerce, or harm. No label excuses abuse.
People may brush off the harm. “It wasn’t meant like that. He doesn’t even care about sex like we do.”
Vulnerability: At the same time, asexual individuals are especially at risk of being harmed. Misunderstanding, corrective coercion, and grooming tactics often target them directly. Their boundaries are frequently dismissed, leaving them more exposed to pressure and violence.
People may brush off the harm and assault as if the harmed individual doesn’t feel it or experience it. “But you don’t even care about sex, right?”
Both realities are true: asexual people must be held accountable if they cause harm, and asexual people must be fiercely protected when they are harmed. Survivor safety always comes first.
A Call for Survivor-Centered Support
Asexual Survivors exist, and they deserve safety, healing, and support. We must:
- Recognize the unique ways asexual individuals experience grooming and coercion.
- Ensure that consent education includes the right to say no—without pressure or explanation.
- Acknowledge that asexual people can be Survivors of sexual violence.
- Respect boundaries without forcing a person to justify them.
Survivors on the asexual spectrum need advocacy that recognizes their experiences. If we continue to overlook them, we are leaving people behind.
