Blaming women is the usual default setting but if a man is violent, let’s put the blame where it belongs. Because too many conversations around abus
Blaming women is the usual default setting but if a man is violent, let’s put the blame where it belongs.
Because too many conversations around abuse and harm still start with:
“She just picked the wrong man.”
“She should’ve seen the signs.”
“She should’ve known better.”
But what if we started telling the truth?
That some men choose to harm.
That some men hide who they are until the door is locked and the lights are out.
That some men weaponize love, need, and charm to gain control.
That some men turn their wounds into war—and aim it at women, children, and anyone vulnerable.
That too many systems make excuses for them.
That too many bystanders stay silent.
The problem isn’t that women need better intuition.
The problem is that too many men were never taught another way to deal with their pain.
And some refuse to learn.
They respond to disappointment with domination.
To rejection with threats.
To fear with violence.
To anger with stalking, controlling, or harming those who can’t fight back.
We are not here to soothe your rage.
We are not rehabilitation centers for men’s unchecked emotions.
We are not emotional punching bags, walking targets, or cleanup crews.
We deserve safety—not survival games.
We deserve peace—not punishment.
We deserve love that does not hurt.
This is not about hating men.
This is about asking men to heal before they harm.
This is about demanding accountability—not just after violence, but before it begins.
And if we’re serious about change, then let’s stop waiting until harm is done.
👉🏽 Make healing, emotional literacy, and non-violent coping skills available in every space where boys and men travel—
schools, sports teams, barbershops, boardrooms, faith communities, locker rooms, military bases, college campuses, correctional centers.
Make healing an option before harm becomes a headline.
Make training a norm, not a punishment.
Make space for boys and men to grow beyond violence.
And please, stop saying,
“She just picked the wrong man.”
Because he chose violence. That’s the truth.