They Are Still Calling Us “Hysterical” and “Stupid” Online on the Sly

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They Are Still Calling Us “Hysterical” and “Stupid” Online on the Sly

There are a lot of accounts online that are mostly female-oriented content. The avatars are women. Most of the shared content is feminist, rad

When Safety Isn’t Simple: How Domestic Violence Hits Differently for People with Neurodivergence
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Sally Hemings: The Founding Father and the Silence He Bought.
Forced Sterilization Wasn’t a Mistake. It Was Misogyny and Racism Working Together.
‘Playing Victim’: How Racism Silences Black Voices and Blocks True Healing in America

There are a lot of accounts online that are mostly female-oriented content. The avatars are women. Most of the shared content is feminist, radical even.

But about once a week they do this thing. They post something that targets women’s fears and tells them what they should really fear instead. The account tells women who to fear, not to keep them safe, but to control a political narrative.

 


The…..”And She Lived Happily Ever After” Story

The seemingly radical feminist account may say something like this. At work, the women’s-toilet restroom is being upgraded. So we all went into the same bathroom. And guess what, we all acted like adults. Then accounts with people no one knows agree. Thousands of likes later, young people start doubting themselves. (Look for scenarios that sound like a fairytale, but also, few women doubted that men who did not want to lose their job might behave okay for a few hours.)

**I knew they were telling a lie when they said the women’s restroom was being upgraded.

 


Or the exploitation of statistics. Like one who said something like, “Women are most at risk from someone they are in relationship with. (TRUE) So, not (insert the team they’re rooting for more than women and girls) not (that team they’re rooting for more than women and girls.) The call is coming from in the house.”

Here is what is true:

The Intimate Partner Reality: More than 1 in 3 women will experience physical violence, contact sexual violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime. 

BUT

As a woman, being MORE at risk from one group doesn’t mean that there is no risk from any other group. It doesn’t mean she can romp around with the other groups of men because ONLY the other men are a risk to her.

Or the Discuss Trap

An account will post a picture of a household bathroom with a caption that reads: “All home bathrooms are gender neutral. “Then ask the social media folks to discuss it. 

Or a single bathroom on a plane and write, “This is a gender-neutral bathroom.” Nothing to be afraid of. Discuss.

Or show a porta potty and declare that no one cares about “safety” when it is time to go here. This one is strange. A lot of people have written about the importance of women going in pairs and not allowing distractions. Even further, I know this is a lie because my kin works on these sites, and men get fired for going into the ones designated for women (who go in pairs as tradeswomen). Those rich but small businesses are not taking any chances on men who want to play stupid. 


One of the most insidious, ancient gaslighting tactics used against women: the deliberate weaponization of their intuition and fear to make them look irrational.

Historically, if a woman points out a threat, she is framed as “hysterical” (emotionally out of control) or “stupid” (incapable of reading a situation). It is a perfect trap designed to make women second-guess their own eyes and ears.

This systematic undermining of a woman’s judgment works through several distinct cultural tactics:

  • The Pathologizing of Fear: For centuries, the medical and social establishments literally categorized women’s normal emotional and survival responses as psychological disorders. The word “hysteria” comes from hystera, the Greek word for uterus. If a woman was anxious, loud, or hyper-vigilant about danger, it was treated as a personal, internal defect rather than a rational reaction to an external threat.

  • The “Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don’t” Trap:

    • If a woman acts cautious around a stranger or sets a firm boundary with an acquaintance, she is called paranoid, rude, a tease, or man-hating.

    • If she lets her guard down to avoid being rude and is subsequently harmed, the narrative instantly flips to blaming her: Why was she there? Why did she trust him? How could she be so stupid?

  • Social Compliance as a Safety Hazard: Girls are heavily socialized from childhood to be polite, accommodating, and to not “make a scene.” This grooming works directly against survival instincts. When a woman senses danger, the pressure to avoid looking “silly” or “mean” often overrides her urge to run or scream. Predators know this and actively exploit a woman’s fear of being socially awkward.

  • Discrediting the Witness: By framing women as inherently unreliable, overly emotional, or unable to understand “how the world works,” society has historically excused itself from investigating their claims. It keeps the power dynamics firmly in place by ensuring that a woman’s perception of her own safety is never treated as objective truth.

When women are told who to fear by a political narrative, or told not to fear someone because “he’s a good guy,” it is just a modern version of that same old control mechanism. It says: Don’t trust yourself. Let us tell you what reality is.

This is where the nuance often gets lost. Acknowledging that the statistical majority of violence happens in relationships doesn’t mean stranger danger is a myth, nor does it wipe away the very real risks women face in public spaces.

The danger isn’t about who the stranger is according to a political talking point; the danger is simply that they are an unknown person in a position to do harm. True safety education focuses on boundaries, behavior, and environment—not scapegoating.

 


Back in the late 1990s and early 2000s, I worked for various local and statewide nonprofits that served people with disabilities and abused and violated women, children, and men. We went heavy on trying to get people to move away from the so-called myth of “stranger danger.” We were trying to help people to understand points about danger in their own circles. I’m in my middle years and hearing all these stories about victims, those who survived, who were in fact harmed by complete strangers to them. Heck, I was responding to some women who encountered harm from people they never met before.

We were responding to an immediate, massive crisis at the time: the fact that domestic violence, marital rape, and familial child abuse were being swept under the rug (with weak or non-existent laws and police response) because society was hyper-focused on the “white van” or the “monster in the bushes.” To get people to understand the real dangers, to get law enforcement attention, and to gain public belief for survivors, the movement had to hit the “stranger danger is a myth” drum incredibly hard. It was an intentional course correction to force people to look at what was happening behind closed doors.

But looking back now, it is entirely fair to ask: Did the pendulum swing too far? Did a well-intentioned messaging strategy accidentally minimize the very real, terrifying reality of predatory stranger violence?

When we look at the reality of being a woman or a child, a more balanced truth would have served us better:

  • Predators Do Exist: There are opportunistic, predatory individuals who actively hunt for vulnerability. Serial offenders, opportunistic rapists, and abductors exist. When advocates said “stranger danger is a myth” to highlight domestic abuse, it sometimes sounded to the public like strangers are completely safe. It invalidated the experiences of Survivors who were attacked by a stranger and left them feeling like their trauma didn’t fit the “approved” statistical narrative.

  • The Danger of “Either/Or” Thinking: Safety isn’t a zero-sum game. A woman shouldn’t have to choose between being hyper-vigilant at home or hyper-vigilant on the street. She has to navigate both. By framing it as an “either/or” (either it’s your husband or it’s a stranger, but statistically it’s your husband), the nuance of situational safety got flattened.

  • Behavior Over Demographics: The real truth that saves lives is teaching people to look for behaviors, not labels. A stranger who crosses boundaries, ignores a “no,” isolates a victim, or creates a forced connection is dangerous—regardless of what they look like or what their background is. The same applies to a family friend or partner.

The most empowering thing we can do for women and children isn’t to give them a statistic that makes them drop their guard in either environment. It’s to tell them the full truth: danger can wear the face of a person you love, and it can wear the face of a complete stranger. Trust your gut, guard your boundaries, and watch the behavior—wherever you are. And watch out for people trying to ridicule you for your fears in the same country where, when men have a fear, they upgrade their access to a firearm that kills several people dead in seconds.

****Feel free to browse a few of the cases that we have highlighted of women who encountered dangerous strangers. You will notice that there was a level of systemic and institutional protection and cover-up in almost every case.↓


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