Alright — let’s tell the truth with love and with fire. When people today look back at photos of our grandmothers and great-grandmothers — surround
As @DivijaBhasin on X.com reminds us, even after birthing all of those children, she is holding the twins while he sits with his hands and arms free.
Alright — let’s tell the truth with love and with fire.
When people today look back at photos of our grandmothers and great-grandmothers — surrounded by eight, ten, twelve babies — there’s a quiet judgment that slips in.
“Whew… she must’ve loved having sex.”
No.
That’s not the story.
Most of those women didn’t live in a world where desire, choice, or consent were centered around them at all. They lived inside systems that decided for them — and then later had the nerve to shame them for the outcomes.
We call it “hypersexual.”
But the reality was captivity.
Women were never meant to be seen as decision-makers over our own bodies.
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Laws didn’t recognize marital rape.
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Husbands could legally force sex and pregnancy.
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Birth control was restricted, expensive, or outright illegal.
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Doctors dismissed women’s pain and refused sterilization unless a husband approved.
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Churches preached obedience while quietly ignoring abuse.
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Welfare systems, courts, and landlords punished women for leaving violent men.
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Employers refused to hire married women or mothers — making “stay and survive” the only option.
And for Black women? Let’s try to least understand them like we are conditioned to give grace understanding to men.
We carried additional chains.
Our ancestors had already survived a history where our bodies were breeding grounds for profit — raped, forcibly impregnated, and punished for resisting. After slavery, the narrative simply shifted. Society still expected us to labor, serve, produce, and somehow stay silent.
The message was clear:
“Your worth is what you give — your body, your babies, your work — not who you are.”
This wasn’t freedom.
This was conditioning layered over generations.
Many children was necessarily an indication of not a love of sex.
It was:
- fear
- survival
- obligation
- religious pressure
- legal control
- financial dependency
- hope that children might someday protect you
- tradition that said “this is what a good woman does”
And many women were never allowed to say no, nor take the “evil” birth control pills (or even count the days).
Even when they tried to resist, they faced:
- beatings (socially approved)
- abandonment with no income
- church discipline
- family shame
- medical neglect
- accusations of being “rebellious” or “ungrateful”
Some were sterilized without consent.
Others were denied sterilization when they begged for it.
Control came from every direction but individual women themselves.
What hurts is this:
We stand here now with language like “consent”, “reproductive autonomy”, and “bodily rights” — and sometimes we forget that the women before us did not have those tools or the power to do anything about it even if she did.
They had faith.
They had resilience.
But they did not have options.
So when we look at old photos — tired faces, worn hands, babies stacked like stair-steps — let’s not mock them. Let’s honor them. Let’s understand the truth.
They carried whole households, whole communities,
while their own dreams sat quietly in the corners of the room.
The real story isn’t about sex.
Both then and now, it’s about control,
and the slow unlearning we’re still doing.
We are the first generations able to say:
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“I want fewer children.”
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“I want none.”
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“I want safety first.”
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“I want to decide.”
- “I do not believe that.”
- “I have rights.”
- “I will not obey.”
- “I will not comply.”
- “I will not surrender.”
- “No.”
And some people still get angry, enraged even, when we say it.
Because a woman choosing herself has always been the greatest threat to systems that run on obedience.
We don’t shame our foremothers.
We name the systems that trapped them.
We speak truth so we can walk forward differently — freer, clearer, and more intentional — carrying their sacrifices like an inheritance we refuse to waste.
*What about her health? Who was prioritizing that?
Can you imagine the type of healthcare that she received back then?
Meanwhile, when people look at that photo their only concern is her sex life and not her health and well being. Whether or not she was exhausted.
Was she eating? Because she looks a bit thin so soon after giving birth to twins.
Was she sleeping well with that many young children?
Just, Grandma’s sex life.
So the first line is accurate then. All people think about these days is sex.
So I guess we have room to grow?