Some truths are not too complex to understandâthey're just too inconvenient to admit. Even toddlers can identify patterns. I once babysat a precious
Some truths are not too complex to understandâthey’re just too inconvenient to admit.
Even toddlers can identify patterns. I once babysat a precious little girl who would simply run up to me, point to her sisters, and yell, âHer!â
Translation: They did it again. Make it stop.
She didnât need fancy language. She had clarity.
Now imagine if I played dumb and made her explain again. And again. And again.Â
That would make me the villain, right?
We laugh at pattern recognition in funny cat videos. We praise it when detectives solve crimes. We teach it in schools: âA, B, C⊠what comes next?â
Patterns are how we make sense of life.
đ§ So why do people act brand new when it comes to patterns of harm?
Why do some people feign confusion when a woman says, âHeâs done this beforeâ or when a Black person says, âThis is not the first timeâ?
Letâs be honest.
Harm always has a pattern.
Whether itâs domestic violence, stalking, racism, sexual harassment, rape, or femicideâit rarely comes out of nowhere.
Think about it:
Courts of law rely on patterns to convict abusers and criminals.Â
Social media thrives on identifying trends and behaviors.
Teachers spot patterns in learning. Parents spot patterns in tantrums.
Survivors spot patterns in abuse.
But only one of these is treated like itâs not real.
And when Survivors speak out?
They are met with the same handful of dismissive responses, dressed in different clothes:
âWhatâs the big deal?â
âYouâre being dramatic.â
- “If it were me…..”
âWell, maybe they didnât mean it like that.â
âIt only happened onceâlet it go.â
âBut theyâre nice to meâŠâ
âMaybe youâre just too sensitive.â
- “I don’t care so maybe you should not care.”
âEveryone makes mistakes.â
đĄ Letâs be real: Pattern denial isnât naivety. Itâs strategy.
Itâs an willful way to protect abusers, not the abused.
Itâs how people gaslight not just one person, but entire communities.
And for Survivors trying to claw their way out of the fogâthat denial cuts deepest.
Because pattern denial isnât just careless.
Itâs sinister.
Itâs intentional.
Itâs a form of betrayal.
đFor Victims of the Specific and Individual Acts of Harm, Confusion is Valid.
When youâre in the middle of trauma, clarity doesnât come easy. Youâre in survival mode, grasping for air that wonât poison you.
But those who claim confusion after the pattern of harm against others has been laid out in full colorâ
those who pretend they just canât see it?
They are not confused.
They are complicit.
đ Pattern denial is how harm gets protected and repeated.
So when someone shows you they refuse to see the pattern, believe that pattern too.
Some people play dumb to avoid accountability.
And some of us donât have the luxury of pretending.