A Mother Daughter Team Teaching Lessons on Teen Dating Violence: Carolyn Mosely and Ortralla Mosely (Resting in Power)

During a season of speaking to youth about teen dating violence, I decided that I needed to tell them about young people just like them.After

During a
season of speaking to youth about teen dating violence, I decided that I needed
to tell them about young people just like them.

After an
online search, I discovered media reports about the murder of teenager
Ortralla Mosely. Ortralla was murdered
at school by the boyfriend that she had just broken up with.

I’m a
mother. I didn’t want to speak about another mother’s child without permission
and blessing.

Ortralla’s
mother, Carolyn, graciously extended that through a series of email exchanges.

Stolen Joy

13 days after Carolyn Mosely, a single mother
of three children got married, her daughter was murdered. At school.

Her youngest
daughter. Her baby.

The scene
was so horrible that even the teachers were screaming. Hollering.

“Not a
student!”

“Not a great student like Ortralla Mosley.”

“At school!”

Ortralla
was a good student. She was smart. When
Ortralla noticed that her relationship with 16-year-old Marcus Mctear was
interfering with her being a good student. Standing all up in the way of her
progress. She broke up with him.

She had no
time for someone impeding her progress with their controlling and possessive
ways. Ortralla was a leader. Not only
was she a cheerleader, but she was a leader on her school dance squad.
After she passed, one of her English teachers spoke about how other girls went
to Ortralla when they had problems.

An
Extremely Painful Day

In the
beginning, Marcus Mctear seemed to be a good match for driven Ortralla Mosely.
He was a football player at another high school where he too was looked up to
by other students. Although he had been the subject of six reported school
disturbances. But you know, male athlete. So…….

A security
guard at the school had seen Ortralla and Marcus arguing that morning. At around 4 pm that same day, armed with two
knives, Marcus approached Ortralla and stabbed her six times. She passed away on the scene.

Defensive
wounds show that Ortralla fought for her life but, in a matter of minutes,
someone who claimed to care about her stole that life. Ortralla’s mother had received a pager
notification from another student. By the time she got to the hospital, someone
else had already identified her and Ortralla was in the morgue.

Even on the day
of Ortralla’s death, Carolyn noted that had she known that the conflict
between Ortralla and Marcus seemed to be elevating, she would have surely gone
to her daughter and youngest child to make sure that she was okay. She spoke of
having regrets that she wasn’t informed about the morning argument.
Unfortunately, Carolyn did not get a full and relatively comprehensive story
from the school until two weeks later.

According to
news reports, what was most painful to Carolyn, was that she never received a
single condolence call from the school or any official in the district. The
school superintendent acknowledged that due to the various investigations, “it
seems possible” that no one had reached out to Carolyn, Ortralla Mosely’s
mother.

This was not
Mctear’s first abusive relationship with a fellow student. The mother of that
student reported seeing her daughter come home with bruises. She reports attempting to contact the school
principal but never hearing back. After Mctear allegedly pushed her daughter
down a flight of stairs, she moved her daughter to another school.

Red Flags in Hindsight

Upon
reflection, Carolyn had noticed that Marcus complained about her daughter
Ortralla’s clothing being “too revealing”. Still, she thought she had set the
young man-who had begun calling her “Momma”-straight. She reminded the young man that her momma
bought her those clothes and that her momma was fine with what Ortralla chose
to wear.

For the
short five months that the two teens dated, Carolyn was unaware of any major
issues. That was until the day after she got married, on her honeymoon when
she heard from Ortralla alerting her that Marcus had tried to cut his own
throat.

Upon
notification, the newlyweds ended their honeymoon to take care of family
matters that had exploded into a tragedy.

This tragedy
offered lessons on how we can all do better to intervene in teen dating
violence. Ortralla’s mother was not
aware of what others had been witnessing at school. She was not made aware that Ortralla and
Marcus were seen arguing in the hallway on the morning of her murder.

A Mother
Loves

Despite the
silence from the school officials to Carolyn, Carolyn spoke to students on the
school P.A. system. She assured them that Ortralla loved them. That she was
fine now and she was aware of their love for her. It was this grieving mother’s words that
brought comfort and peace. Students did
not know what to do with the immense pain that they were feeling. There were
concerns of more violence. Vengeance.

When
children are in pain, they sometimes believe that someone must pay for that.

Amid her grief,
Carolyn continued to publicly highlight her sentiment that Marcus needs help.

Home of
Assaults

Parents often
report feeling “guilt” about not knowing about their child’s relationship
struggles but children are good at keeping secrets hidden when they fear
revealing that secret. So much of what happens in teen dating relationships doesn’t
happen while parents are watching. Teens commonly share stories of violence,
abuse, and manipulation that happen during school hours and on school grounds.

If you ask
girls, if you listen to girls, sometimes they will tell you about being threatened,
harassed, or even assaulted on school grounds. American Idol winner and
performer Fantasia Barrino has been open about being assaulted in a small room
at her high school.

Schools cannot
continue reacting to teen dating violence and being shocked when it
occurs.

Students spend most of their
young years in school among their peers.

Schools of all types need to have a
teen dating violence prevention plan, a response plan, and a follow-up plan.

Tragic Tale of Teen Dating Violence – ABC News (go.com)

What Can
Be Done

1. Great guidance counselors are much
needed. We have always needed more
mental health experts in school and today that need is even more critical.

2 If the school offers sex education,
it is a great time to add in discussions about coercive behavior.

3. We want to avoid children having to
find their own solutions to relationship challenges that stump many adults. We must remember how much more challenging relationships are for young people.

For adults who care, it is a bit of a balancing act. You want to give them independence while also paying close attention to details …and silence. Having adults to guide teens through the challenges can make a difference.

4. Youth should be assured that safe and
healthy relationships are the standard expectation, but that they should be
patient until they can have a healthy relationship partner.

5. Youth should learn that gaining more
freedoms and privileges also requires setting boundaries and building healthy
relationships with friends and relationship partners.

6. We are all human. Teens should be
assured that even if they get it wrong, or if they were in the act of doing
something wrong, there are safe adults around them to help them to navigate
through.

Safe adults are defined as people who love you, want the best
for you, believe in you, want to keep you safe and therefore want to help you.

7. This work is hard, an yet we can never give
up the search for answers and solutions to protecting and preventing violence
against young people, especially girls.

We would be wise to continue collaborating with students, parents,
teachers, and mental health professionals from the community to improve on our
plans to keep all kids safe.