We tend to imagine trauma as someone crying when they remember something terrible.Sometimes it looks nothing like that.Sometimes trauma looks
We tend to imagine trauma as someone crying when they remember something terrible.
Sometimes it looks nothing like that.
Sometimes trauma looks like anger.
Photo by Sendeq (dagi)
Sometimes it looks like working constantly because being still is unbearable.
It can look like drinking too much, disappearing into a screen, needing constant stimulation, avoiding intimacy, sabotaging good relationships, or becoming extraordinarily good at appearing fine.
None of those behaviors proves that someone has experienced trauma. That distinction matters.
But trauma can change the way a person experiences safety.
Think about a smoke alarm.
A good smoke alarm becomes loud when there is a fire.
Now imagine an alarm that has lived through so many fires that it becomes extraordinarily sensitive. Toast burns and the alarm screams. Steam rises and the alarm screams. Eventually, even when the house is quiet, part of the system is waiting for smoke.
Human beings are obviously much more complicated than smoke alarms. But the comparison helps explain why telling someone to “get over” trauma rarely works.
Their past may be over while their body is still responding to it.
Healing therefore requires more than telling people to make better choices.
People need opportunities to experience safety, trustworthy relationships, effective treatment, rest, purpose, and ways of regulating difficult emotions that do not destroy them.
That is why compassion is not the opposite of accountability.
Sometimes compassion is what allows us to ask the harder question:
What happened before this behavior became necessary?
Until Respect for All Includes Respect for Womenâs Boundaries – WE Survive Abuse
Myth: âIf Women Just Spoke Up Sooner, They Could Have Stopped the Abuseâ – WE Survive Abuse