It whispers to Black people—especially Black women —that we are here to help.To soothe.To teach.To forgive.To make the world softer for others, even w
It whispers to Black people—especially Black women —that we are here to help.
To soothe.
To teach.
To forgive.
To make the world softer for others, even when that world has no softness for us.
They don’t have to say it out loud anymore. It’s been passed down, inherited, modeled in our workplaces, our families, our so-called friendships.
We know what’s expected.
Be understanding. Be calm. Be nurturing. Be useful. Be a safe, comfortable, and unchallenging space.
Even when we’re being harmed.
Especially when we’re being harmed.
😤 At first, we might reject it with fire.
We say, “No more. Not me. I don’t play that.”
And we mean it.
But the danger of the “Helper” Mandate isn’t just in what it demands—it’s in what it disguises.
You can say no to others a thousand times and still not say yes to yourself.
Because this thing doesn’t just live in the culture. It roots itself in our nervous systems.
In our habits.
In our silence.
In our default settings.
⚠️ Burnout is real. But it’s more than just exhaustion.
It’s missed red flags that should’ve told you someone was dangerous.
It’s ignored health symptoms that should’ve sent you to the ER, not back to your desk.
It’s friendships and relationships where you’re the giver, the fixer, the forgiver—but never the one held, honored, or heard.
It’s surrounding yourself with people who live on fumes and call it strength.
It’s calling endurance a badge of honor when it’s become a slow, suffocating death.
💡 And then there’s what we pass down…
Young people who don’t know the full story are quick to blame their elders.
Not realizing:
Their grandmother wasn’t weak. She was surviving.
Their auntie wasn’t bitter. She was tired of being everybody’s backbone while no one was showing up to be hers.
Their mother wasn’t mean. She was running on empty and still showed up.
But now it’s our turn.
And we’re repeating the same mistakes, just in different shoes, with shinier language.
🛑 Let’s stop. Let’s name it.
This is the Helper Mandate.
And it’s not holy.
It’s not healing.
It’s not revolutionary.
It’s a trap.
🌱 You deserve:
To rest when you’re in pain.
To leave when you’re in danger.
To be surrounded by people who notice when you’re struggling and actually care.
To matter when you’re not serving.
To be loved when you’re not “on.”
You deserve safety. Real safety.
Not the kind that says, “At least they didn’t hit me.”
But the kind that says, “My body, mind, and spirit are honored here.”
✨ We don’t owe the world our silence. We don’t owe people our unreciprocated and unappreciated labor.
We owe ourselves our life.
Let’s take it back.
