Women are often encouraged to be kind, accommodating, flexible, and understanding — even when our safety is at stake. We are told to “be nice.” We are told not to “make a scene.” We are socialized to think that saying no is rude. And we are punished when we enforce boundaries that other groups take for granted.

This is how women get lured into compliance.

Not because we are weak.
But because we have been raised to survive by smoothing the edges of every interaction.

And that conditioning is now being used against women in some of the most dangerous ways.

Women Deserve the Bottom Line — But We Rarely Get It

Men live in a world where their “no” is a complete sentence.
Women live in a world where our “no” must be defended, explained, softened, justified.

This matters deeply when women are told:

“You’re being kind.”
“You’re being inclusive.”
“You’re doing the right thing.”

Sometimes that “niceness” is actually a setup.

Women are told that allowing males who identify as women into female spaces is simply an act of kindness.

But no one gives women the bottom line:
What protects you when a man misuses that access?
What protects you when a man pretends in order to:

• spy on his wife or girlfriend,

• follow a woman he is stalking,

• hit on girls and women privately,

• avoid being questioned by security,

• or hide behind laws that now demand unquestioned acceptance?

• uses this access to record women or expose himself

Women are not being told the truth:
There is no screening mechanism that prevents bad actors from exploiting this.

And when something goes wrong — when a girl feels unsafe, when a woman is cornered, when a violation happens — what do the people who encouraged “kindness” offer as protection?

Nothing.
No legal recourse.
No policy safeguard.
No accountability.

Women are left with the consequences.
We always are.

Men Do Not Live With This Vulnerability

Men don’t say yes out of politeness.
Men don’t feel pressured to be “nice” when danger walks through the door.
Men don’t sacrifice their privacy, dignity, or boundaries to protect someone else’s feelings.

And when a man says no, the world treats it as firm.
Non-negotiable.
Final.

Women say no, and someone asks, “Why are you being difficult?” (with a smile on their face)

This Is the Same Pattern We See in Abusive Relationships

The dynamic is painfully familiar.

Red flags show up.
Women worry they’ll be seen as rude for pointing them out. Earlier in my life when red flags showed up, I used to call some friends and family members and they would talk me out of noticing them. I frequently regretted the results.

Therapy and faith teachings taught me to stop doing that. To learn to trust myself. I still slipped up from time to time but I’m so much stronger now. 

A male partner pushes a boundary.
Women are told not to “overreact.”

He asks for a little more access, a little more privacy, a little more trust.
Women convince themselves:
“Well… maybe it’s fine. Maybe I’m being too harsh.”

Abusers count on women doubting themselves.
Society profits on women doubting themselves.

It’s the same script — just scaled up to public policy.

Niceness Can Become a Debt With No Protection Behind It

Women keep being told that kindness will keep us safe.
But kindness is not a safety plan.
Kindness is not protection.
Kindness is not a legal shield.

Women are pressured to sign a check with our safety —
with no guarantee that it won’t bounce when we need protection most.

When police arrive after a violation, what recourse does a woman have if the system itself erased her boundaries?

What is she supposed to say?
“That I was being nice?”
“That I didn’t want to offend anyone?”
“That I was taught to comply?”

Systems rarely defend women who complied.
They only defend women who had power — and women are rarely given that power.

The Bottom Line Women Need to Hear

A boundary is not bigotry.
Caution is not cruelty.
Privacy is not hate.
Safety is not optional.

Women have the right to hold the line simply because we exist. Women exist. And thank God that we do because no one would exist without women carrying the babies for nine months. 

And when a boundary protects girls — it becomes sacred.

Now, the person who brought this story to my awareness online thought it was very important to let us know that it was “not a drag queen”. Again, that statement is usually an indication of propaganda and doesn’t have anything to do with prioritizing safety and wellness for the vulnerable.

1. Allowing any males in female spaces allows for an escalation of these sorts of issues. We need to return to zero tolerance.

2. Violation of women’s spaces in any form matters to women. Women, all women, deserve respect and boundaries. We do not need people telling us we ought to be “comfortable.” Women have a human right to  safety.

Border Patrol agent accused of assaulting Long Beach police officer, entering women’s bathroom

*PS….I actually have nothing against drag queens, but the people that keep throwing up “not a drag queen” at the scene of every crime against a woman or child may want to think about the impact of that.