(And How to Come Home to Yourself) Self-abandonment isn’t always loud. It often slips in quietly, disguised as being “easygoing,” “low maintenance,”
(And How to Come Home to Yourself)
Self-abandonment isn’t always loud. It often slips in quietly, disguised as being “easygoing,” “low maintenance,” or “strong.” For Survivors, self-abandonment can become a survival strategy—a way to reduce harm in unsafe environments. But over time, it can leave you feeling invisible, unheard, and deeply disconnected from your own spirit.
Let’s name it, gently. And let’s begin the path home.
1. You Apologize for Having Needs
The Sign: You say “sorry” for needing help, clarity, or space.
The Healing: Start saying “thank you” instead. You’re not a burden—you’re a human being with sacred needs.
2. You Downplay Your Pain
The Sign: You convince yourself (or others) that it “wasn’t that bad.”
The Healing: All pain deserves acknowledgement. Naming it is not weakness—it’s part of the healing.
3. You Say “Yes” When You Mean “No”
The Sign: You agree to things out of guilt, fear, or pressure.
The Healing: Every time you honor a quiet “no,” you build trust with yourself again.
4. You Tolerate What You Once Said You’d Never Accept
The Sign: You bend your boundaries to avoid conflict or rejection.
The Healing: Your boundaries are not selfish. They are self-respect in motion.
5. You Keep Quiet to Keep the Peace
The Sign: You silence your truth for the comfort of others.
The Healing: Real peace includes honesty. Even imperfect honesty.
6. You Abandon Your Body
The Sign: You ignore physical discomfort, skip meals, or live in constant fatigue.
The Healing: Reconnecting can begin simply—with rest, breath, or water. Let that be enough for now.
7. You Shrink So Others Don’t Feel Threatened
The Sign: You hide your talents, wisdom, or joy.
The Healing: Your light is not a threat. It’s a gift. You don’t have to shrink to stay safe anymore.
8. You Treat Your Inner Critic Like a Life Coach
The Sign: You believe the harshest voice in your head must be telling the truth.
The Healing: Speak to yourself the way you’d speak to someone you adore. That’s how we break the cycle.
9. You Ignore Your Intuition
The Sign: You feel a “gut knowing” but override it to avoid rocking the boat.
The Healing: Trusting yourself again takes time. Start by honoring the “no’s” that live in your body.
10. You Keep Trying to Earn What You Already Deserve
The Sign: You hustle for love, permission, rest, or safety.
The Healing: You are already enough. You don’t need to audition for your own life.
11. You Downplay Your Needs for Safety
The Sign: You stay in places, relationships, or conversations that don’t feel safe—but tell yourself you’re “too sensitive” or “overreacting.”
The Healing: Your need for safety is not dramatic. It’s divine. It’s foundational. You don’t have to justify protecting your peace.
12. You Make Yourself the Problem for Having Normal Reactions
The Sign: You feel anger, grief, or fear—and shame yourself for feeling it.
The Healing: Emotions are not misbehavior. They’re messages. Let them speak. You’re not broken—you’re brave.
13. You Dismiss Your Need for Safety, Rest, Protection, and Health
The Sign: You keep going when your body begs for rest. You stay where you’re unsafe. You tell yourself that your health can wait.
The Healing: You were not meant to live in emergency mode forever. You deserve protection. You deserve peace. You deserve rest without guilt.
Final Word:
You were taught to abandon yourself because someone else made it unsafe to stay. But now, you get to choose differently. Gently. Tenderly. One small act of returning at a time.
Your truth is worthy.
Your safety is sacred.
Your home is within you. And you are allowed to come back.
