When Safety Isn’t Simple: How Domestic Violence Hits Differently for People with Neurodivergence

Tonya GJ Prince | We Survive Abuse There’s something the world needs to say out loud more often: Safety isn’t a one-size-fits-all journey. Especial

Tonya GJ Prince | We Survive Abuse

There’s something the world needs to say out loud more often: Safety isn’t a one-size-fits-all journey. Especially not for people who experience the world differently.

When someone is neurodivergent—Autistic, ADHD, OCD, sensory-sensitive, or living with cognitive or learning differences—the experience of domestic violence can be uniquely layered, misunderstood, and tragically overlooked.

And too often, they are the last ones to be believed.
The last ones to be heard.
And the last ones to be protected.

Let’s talk about it.

1. Misread Silence, Meltdowns, or Stimming as “Instability”

“She didn’t cry. She didn’t run. She didn’t speak up.”

A Survivor with neurodivergence may freeze, shut down, or stim under pressure. They may not respond in the “expected” way.
Instead of compassion, they’re often met with suspicion, judgment, or worse—dismissal.

2. Communication Differences Are Exploited

Many abusers deliberately target people who communicate differently. They interrupt, gaslight, or mock them—turning their neurological differences into weapons.

“You don’t understand tone.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“No one will believe you—you’re not normal.”

These aren’t just insults. They’re tactical.

3. Sensory Sensitivities Make Escaping Even Harder

Noise. Light. Crowds. Sudden change.
Things that might feel overwhelming to anyone—feel paralyzing to someone who is sensory-sensitive. Leaving a dangerous environment can mean entering a world that feels just as hostile, just in a different way.

4. Systemic Bias Doubles the Harm

When neurodivergent Survivors reach out for help, they often encounter systems that are built on able-bodied, neurotypical norms.
That means:

Police may view them as erratic or unreliable
Shelters may not be accessible or sensory-friendly
Advocates may not be trained to communicate in affirming, trauma-informed ways

5. “Compliant” ≠ Safe

Some neurodivergent women and girls are trained to mask or people-please for survival. Others are painted as “non-compliant” for setting boundaries.
Either way, it becomes easy for abusers—and sometimes professionals—to dismiss their needs and autonomy.

6. High Risk of Isolation

Many neurodivergent individuals already face social isolation. Abusers know this—and use it.
They may cut off the few safe relationships a Survivor has. Or they may weaponize their role as “the only one who understands.”

That is not love. That’s entrapment.

🛡️ **Survivors deserves to be believed and supported in a way that works for them.**

We need more neurodivergent-affirming advocates, shelters, support systems, and interventions.

Because neurodivergent Survivors shouldn’t have to translate their pain to be heard.
They shouldn’t have to prove they were harmed in a way that pleases others.
And they shouldn’t be left behind because their truth is spoken in a different language.

🌀 If this speaks to you or someone you love, you are not alone.
We hear you. We see you. And your path to healing matters just as much as anyone else’s.

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