Aesthetic Gatekeeping: You Are Not Here for Their Approval Ratings

Let’s talk about one of the oldest games in the patriarchy playbook—
and baby, it’s still being played in 4K, HD, and every group chat:
Aesthetic Gatekeeping.

It’s when men—yes, men of all sexual identities—
decide they’ve been divinely appointed as the judges of women’s appearances.
Not just whether we’re attractive.
But whether we are valuable, respectable, lovable, or even safe.

They act like we’re contestants in a pageant none of us asked to enter,
handing out imaginary trophies to the women who perform what they like—
and public shame, mockery, or erasure to those who don’t.

Let’s make this clear:

This isn’t about who a man wants to date.
It’s about who he thinks gets to be treated like a full human being.

It’s the straight man who criticizes a dark-skinned woman’s hair while applauding her lighter-skinned counterpart.
It’s the gay man who calls Black women “masc” or “aggressive” for not being dainty enough for his aesthetic.
It’s the bisexual man who “rates” women’s bodies with his boys to prove his masculinity.
It’s the queer man who weaponizes femininity against women who refuse to perform submission.

And in all these cases, it’s about power, not attraction.
Control, not care.
Dominance, not devotion.

Because your beauty was never up for debate.

Your body was never up for public commentary.
Your presence was never dependent on someone else’s preferences.

This isn’t about “preference.”
This is about who gets to speak and who’s told to stay silent.
Who gets adored and who gets erased.

This is a system.
And it is upheld by men of all kinds—not just the ones who desire us, but the ones who believe they own a say in our desirability.

And here’s the truth they don’t want us to say out loud:

A man does not have to want you sexually to think he has power over how you should look.
And when we only hold straight men accountable, we miss the full picture.
We miss the pain.
We miss the pattern.
We miss the patriarchal thread running through the entire quilt.

But here’s what they forgot:

We were never here to be scored, sized, or styled for someone else’s gaze.
We are not art on loan.
We are not prototypes for someone else’s dream.

We are not waiting in line for their compliments.
We are walking in the fullness of our own reflection—our own definition.

🖤 Affirmation:

I am not a fantasy curated by outside eyes.
I am a force, divinely designed.
I do not need permission to be radiant.
I do not need approval to be worthy.
My beauty exists beyond ratings, rankings, and rehearsed applause.

✨ Affirmations: I Define Me

1. I am not here to perform. I am here to exist fully and freely, on my own terms.

2. My reflection belongs to me. I do not shape myself for someone else’s comfort or desire.

3. I do not shrink to fit into narrow eyes. I expand with purpose, soul, and power.

4. I do not wait to be chosen. I wake up already whole.

5. I am not on display. I am on a journey—and I walk with intention, not for applause.

6. My beauty is not a debate. It is a birthright, not a ballot.

7. No man, no gaze, no trend has authority over me. I reclaim my image, my name, my shine.

8. I am not an accessory to someone else’s identity. I am the centerpiece of my own sacred story.

9. I am not flattered by being “approved.” I am fulfilled by being authentic.

10. Even when they don’t understand me—I remain divine.
    Even when they try to erase me—I still rise.
    Even when they call me “too much”—I honor every part of me.