The Cost of Lying for Men: What Happens When Women Are Expected to “Protect Feelings” Instead of Tell the Truth

We’ve all seen it. Felt it. Been told to do it. "Don't embarrass him." "He's under a lot of stress.""Don’t ruin his life." "It costs nothing to be

We’ve all seen it. Felt it. Been told to do it.

“Don’t embarrass him.”

“He’s under a lot of stress.”
“Don’t ruin his life.”

“It costs nothing to be kind.”

“What difference does it make?”
“Just say it didn’t happen like that.”
“Don’t make it a big deal.”
“That’s just how he is.”

Many of us—whether we want to admit it or not—have lied or stayed quiet to protect the feelings of men. Not our own safety. Not our own dignity. Not even justice.

Just their feelings.

And each time we do it, we tell the world that women’s truth is negotiable. That women’s voices are flexible. That men’s comfort matters more than women’s reality.

It seems harmless—until it isn’t.

💔 Lying for Men Has a Price. And Women Are the Ones Who Pay It.

No woman knows the day she may be called to testify about her own assault, abuse, or harassment. (Now or if you are blessed to see 99 years of age.)

But every defense attorney in this country knows how to use our past silence, protection, and “kindness” against us. They’ve made it an art form.

🎯 How Defense Attorneys Weaponize Our Lies for Men:

Here’s what it sounds like in court, in depositions, on the record:

“Ms. Taylor, you stated in this courtroom today that honesty and accuracy are important to you. Is that correct?”…………….

“So, you say this happened in May. But in June, you were still calling him ‘babe’ in texts. Why is that?”
“You told your friend that everything was fine. Why lie then, but expect us to believe you now?”
“So you lie to protect people’s feelings? How do we know you’re not lying now?”
“If you were really scared, why didn’t you say anything back then?”
“You said you didn’t want to ruin his life. So when exactly did you decide his life no longer mattered?”
“You’ve lied before to make someone look better. Why wouldn’t you lie now to make yourself look better?”
“Did you ever tell a supervisor about the harassment? Call the police? No? Why not? Isn’t it possible you just changed your mind later?”
“You said he was a ‘good man’ in that letter. Was that a lie? Or is this one?”
“How many times did you go back to him?”
“Do you always wait until you’re angry to speak up?”
“So you decide when to tell the truth? Based on what—your mood?”
“You said you loved him. Did you mean that? Was that the truth?”
“If you’re willing to bend reality for someone else’s comfort, how can this jury trust you’re not bending it now for your own?”
“If a man can become a woman because someone says so… what else are we expected to pretend is real? According to you that is, Ma’am?…….”I’m simply pointing out, Your Honor, that the witness seems to have trouble with accuracy, meanings, definitions—and the truth.”

Each question is a blade. Sharpened by the culture of women going along to get along. A culture that teaches women to lie, deny, downplay, and defer.

I spent years as a court advocate for rape, child sexual abuse, stalking, and domestic violence victims. It was extremely frustrating to see defense attorneys (male and female) suddenly play dumb to the ways that women must speak and behave in any society just to survive. BUT it is their job to advocate for their client. You better believe that they do it well.

Not a television show, real life with real life consequences.

For us on the side of the victim, infuriating beyond all belief!

🧨 So here’s what rarely gets said:

Lying to protect men is not harmless.
It destroys our credibility. It trains us to betray our own truth. It undermines other women who speak up. And it builds a legal, social, and cultural record that works against us when we do finally say, “enough.”

They get us (women) to do all the work for their evil gain.

💡 Telling the truth isn’t cruelty. It’s clarity.

Women are expected to be peacemakers, fixers, and forgivers. We’re called everything from “overdramatic” to “liars” to “vindictive” when we disrupt that role. But telling the truth about violence, violation, and disrespect is not vindictive—it’s vital.

There is no “perfect victim.”
There is no “good time” to speak up.

🛑 So we must stop this pattern:

Lying to make men feel better.
Lying to make men feel pleased and pleasured.
Lying to avoid “ruining his reputation.”
Lying because “everyone lies.”
Lying because “it’s too late anyway.”
Lying because “he’s not that bad.”

Because here’s the truth:

💥 Every lie we tell to protect male comfort builds a case against the next woman who tells the truth.

And someday, that next woman might be you.

🌿 We Owe It to Ourselves—and to Each Other

This isn’t just about the courtroom. It’s about life. About legacy. About how we raise our daughters and support our sisters.

We don’t owe anyone silence.
We don’t owe anyone protection that comes at the cost of our peace.
We don’t owe anyone the kind of “kindness” that leaves us questioning our own worth.

We owe ourselves the truth.

Let’s stop lying for men.
Let’s stop betraying our own truth.
Let’s start protecting us. All of us.

“I stand with the women who dared to tell the truth before me.”